Confusion.

Hello, I know I haven't written here in a long time. I have been busy. Not too busy. I could have written if I wanted to but I did not. But then again I have been in weird corner of my mind. You know when you're 12years old and you think, a 20 year old is an adult, they have their life figured out, they know where to go, what to do. But that is not true. I am 20years old today and I will be 21 in five months. I won't have things figured out. I can't be so sure though. I might have figured out few things out. I feel like I am moving a in, there's a term in photography called motion blur, that is how I am feeling. motion blur is a picture taken when the object of the image is in motion and there is no clear focus on the object but just a a haze of light and color. I can't explain it better than that. How do you know what to do. WHAT TO DO.  I never do. And let me tell you something about me. I am not a person who is easily motivated. That sounds like a lazy person but it's how I feel. I mean I was fine literally 24hours ago. I am so confused. I feel like an anchor is pulling me down that will just drown me. I know. Everything will be fine. But you know I am not okay with things being fine. I want things to be good. I wake up everyday with a purpose to my life. A PURPOSE. A smaller or greater but a purpose. I don't even know if I am going to post this cause it's too personal. You might not feel the haze, the confusion in this post but I feel it in me. I have even considered doing nothing in my life. I'm going to stop. Keep your smiles. It is worth it in spite of the haze.